i'm gonna be off the internet for a while. seriously need to reconnect with my creativity and passion for everything. so forgive me if i respond a week or two late. :]

my latest hobby.

i was feeling kind guilty for having bought my XTi but leaving it on my shelf for a bit. so when an old friend came over from california, i demanded he show me what it's like to run a photoshoot the way he does out there.

and it was a looot of fun. so i'm currently working on expanding my portfolio of headshots/bodyshots to the point that i feel confident enough to make a profile on modelmayhem. from there, i can meet more people and get more experience (because one's friends aren't always as serious as it takes for modeling).

btw, just did a photoshoot tonight out in the blistering cold at a little shopping center area. didn't get too many good shots because i kept shaking so much and i was forced to use a low shutter speed due to the inadequate lighting. so i'll try to get one or two shots up, but there won't be more than that.


and on a personal note, i'm feeling less and less bad about what happened with me and this girl. it's just fading away. and i'm glad that it is because it wasn't good for me bein strung along. i needed a yes/no answer. so i got what i needed and walked away.

does it still hurt? am i still lonely? sure. but am i better off for it? absolutely. gotta stand up for myself and not tolerate certain things or i can just end up a doormat. i choose the former, please and thank you.

ugh, and school starts back up tomorrow. oh please can't it be sunday night forever?




ciao,
dan

i thought this went through yesterday when i tried to post it, but i guess not...

yesterday, i was in a car accident. a honda came at me from the left side as i was coming out of a backroad making a left turn. he hit me dead between the front and back driver-side doors, right on the pillar. in my opinion, that's the most structurally sound spot in terms of resisting crushing the car inwards because the pillar provides a lot of support from the roof and floor. the outside took a rediculous amount of damage (despite the fact that ford tauruses are built tough, especially the older ones). and it's far too much to even bother with repairs. my insurance will just cut me a check so i can go car shopping.

...hooray, fun.

so back to the hit...

i looked left, didn't see anyone. looked right, waited for a car to pass by. pulled out, and then heard my brother saying something to the effect of "umm...hey...CARRRR!!" he came at me so quick. i don't even remember if i hit the brakes or hit the gas. i don't even remember having time to think "oh shit." nothing.

just...
blink...
bang...
spinning...
and then the rotating of a motor taking it's last breaths.

the hit turned me a full 90 degrees.

all in all, i'm lucky to be alive because i had my window down (but glass still came flying out and managed to get lodged in my temple), my hand wasn't hanging outside (which i do a lot when it's nice out and had been doing earlier that day because it WAS nice out), and i managed to scoot forward a few feet before he hit. otherwise, he would've hit me dead center on my door, and i would've ended up in the hospital.


it's been a very trying 12 hours. when things like this happen, it gets in your head and starts swimming laps. and with me being such a deep thinker...you know it can end up doing more harm than good.

i'm trying to keep things positive, but it just hasn't sunk in yet. obviously, the people on the outside looking in see it as "screw the car, i'm just glad you're ok" but for me...it's different.

the way i see things is starting to change. and i'm sure a week or two from now, i'll be absolutely sure that things are different. you can't get hugged by a honda at 40mph and not walk away changed. especially when it was literally INCHES from the tip of your nose and with soo many small reasons prodding the back of my mind saying that it could have been

so

much

worse.




i'll check messages from time to time...but i probably won't upload anything.

and i'd prefer if you just add me on facebook instead: Daniel Erny.

i'll frequent that site more than i will dA.

Doin' the Shuffle!
Like the Hustle!
But online
and in quiz form!

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Use the Title to answer. No skipping!!

what is your motto?
"Closing In" by Imogen Heap
[Everything I do brings me closer to what's true and real. Hopefully, it'll come back full circle.]

what do your friends think of you?
"Vanishing Light" by In Flames
[There have been several times when I've felt like no one remembered me.]

what do you think about very often?
"Zero's And Three's" by The Evan Anthem
[Sometimes you end up wanting to give up completely, and other times, you stick it out and that third time is a charm.]

what is 2+2?
"Bang The Doldrums" by Fall Out Boy
[Two people, once friends, wishing to be lovers, now nothing. Two different sets of relationships, but both can't happen, only one. So 2+2=0]


what do you think of your best friend?
"3's And 7's" by Queens Of The Stone Age
[I'm so lucky to have a best friend like Bryant. He's been around since I was in 4th grade and I wouldn't have it any other way. We've had the craziest adventures ever and shared relational pain as well. No other two numbers represent it better. :]

what do you think of the person you like?
"I Like It Rough" by Lady GaGa
[Haha, read my poem called 'Seduction Of Innocence.' Haha...oh man.]

what is your life story?
"Clarity" by John Mayer
[Fits beyond words. I've listened to this song numberous times and identified with it soo much.]

what do you want to be when you grow up?
"Paparazzi" by Lady GaGa
["I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi"
Yeah, I'd love to find someone I can love more than anyone else. Read my poem "To Write You A Love Song."]

what do you think when you see the person you like?
"The Beginning" by Showbread
[It could've been the beginning of the rest of my life.]

what do your parents think of you?
"Let It Bleed" by The Used
[Um...yeah, got nothing for this one. lol]

what will you dance to at your wedding?
"Bodies And Words" by Silverstein
[The complex meshing of two bodies through simple words: I do.]

what will they play at your funeral?
"Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" by Across The Universe Soundtrack
[I'll be floating up to the palace in the sky, so sure.]

what is your hobby/interest?
"Superpowers" by Dane Cook
[I want to be bigger and better than I am now. And sometimes I've thought that it would take superpowers to get there.]

what is your biggest secret?
"Morning Air" by The Wedding
[I love the early morning air, but tell everyone I'm not a morning person. Really though, I love the morning air but only when there's no obligation to breath it in on the way to work. -_-]

what do you think of your friends?
"Bloody Mary (A Note On Apathy)" by Five For Fighting
[um...]

what’s the worst thing that could happen?
"High Strung Poets" by The Evan Anthem
[To be poetic is the best thing about me. But to get too neurotic about it can be a downfall. I can become overly-dramatic about things...So I'd hate to be a high strung poet.]

how will you die?
"Yai Yai" by Steve Vai
[It's an instrumental song unlike most. I'd like to leave my mark on the world by being unforgettable.]

what is the one thing you regret?
"Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5
["That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave"

She was supposed to come to my church one sunday. It was a deal we made: I go to her church, she goes to mine. Never did get that chance even though I asked her all the time.]

what makes you laugh?
"Year Zero" by 30 Seconds To Mars
["Be a hero
Kill your ego
It doesn't matter it's all just a pack of lies
Build a new base
Steal a new face
It doesn't matter it's all just to save you"

Haha, this is so true.]

what makes you cry?
"Bottle Marked - Caution" by Tokyo Rose
["I know I swore I'd never hurt you
You said the same to me
But oh, just take a look at us now"

We were in my car one late night. We started writing back and forth on a notebook, just passing it back and forth. She said she'd always be there. And I told her I'd never run away. And that's just what happened.]

what scares you the most?
"The Golden Floor" by Snow Patrol
["Tell me that you want to dance
I want to feel your pulse on mine
Just treat me like a stolen glance
To yourself"

Makes me want to cry.]

does anyone like you?
"Shell Of A Man" by Juliana Theory
[romantically, I'm a shell of a man.]

if you could go back in time, what would you change?
"Pushing Me Away" by Linkin Park
[I have pushed people away. I did it just recently. It's painful and if I could change how things got to that point, I would. But there's no denying where one is at the moment.]

what hurts right now?
"I Just Love You" by Five For Fighting
[sigh...spot on.]

what will you post this as?
"Letter Bomb" by Green Day

so when i woke up for work today...i was really really tempted to call out and just go back to bed. been stressing out lately with some issues and work makes me want to puke sometimes.

anyway, i'm fighting this urge to sleep because i get paid to not work on christmas, but if i call out the day before or after, i lose it.

considering i'm off tomorrow, i had to go in if i wanted today's hours and free hours later.

ugh, right?


so i'm at work, and it's not too bad. i had some vault, so it worked out.

but partway through my shift, it hits me.

there's a new poem i'm working on a little unlike what i've always written.

there's no rhyme.
there's no scheme.

and to be quite honest, it's a bit raw.
seductive even.

i hope that you'll all enjoy it when it's done...because i'm gonna work freaking hard to make it perfect.

i'm excited.